how hairy? two words: wookie tits
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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