You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I just had sex on a roof
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
