I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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