it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
