...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
