i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
