You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
