This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
