I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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