I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
