these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
why do cheetos always look like penises
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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