There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
