u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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