it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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