I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
