if i can run in heels then i can drive
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
