first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
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