So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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