your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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