The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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