I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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