So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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