I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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