How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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