sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
