i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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