What did we do last night that was yellow?
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
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