I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
