At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
