So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize