My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
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