so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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