Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
