so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
