Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
