Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Everything about him screamed your future.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
