dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
