I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I think weed is turning my hair brown
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Randomize
