just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I AM VODKA MAN
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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