Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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