Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
