I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Randomize
