what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I just forgot I was standing up.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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