Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
