you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
