remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I will pee on everything he values.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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