Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Randomize
