I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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