I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
