I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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