i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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