He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
