I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
At least make sure they are 18
Why
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
