Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize