If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
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