Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
