on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
