remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize