This dress was meant to end up on your floor
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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