tonight lets celebrate not being married
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
How's work?
Spinning.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
He? As in you personified your dick?
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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