let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
