and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Randomize
