Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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