you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
That accounts for only three of the penises
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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