Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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