youre lurking in front of me
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Randomize
