I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Then you guys just all showered together...?
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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