Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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