Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
