she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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