No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize
