It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
