is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
