I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
