We're like a lot better than the average bears
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
well most of my day revolves around power hour
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
