So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
