fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
