I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
His nipple licking is glorious
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