He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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