Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
