Plan B is the new Plan A
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
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