Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
