Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
