if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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