i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
