Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Edward fifth and chaser hands
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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