So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
