think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Randomize