bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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