so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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