Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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