I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
