after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize