On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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