if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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