can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Randomize
