I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
