Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
