I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
