Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
