he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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