I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
