I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
